I really, really hate this phrase.
You know it - the one straight girls use to describe that one time in college they got drunk and made out with another woman. That was so totally their lesbian experience!
No. Fuck off.
This statement only says: you don’t know what the word “lesbian” means.
And you want the men you are trying to date to find you hot. Because, you know, fetishizing lesbians is hot nowadays.
Lesbian is a sexuality. It is the sexuality of female identified people who are attracted solely (or mostly) to other female identified people.
It is an identity - not an action or a behavior.
Yes, it gets expressed in action and behavior. But, some women are lesbians without (or before) having had an sexual contact with another woman. They are still lesbians.
Sleeping with/kissing/hitting on another woman does not make you a lesbian unless you identify as a lesbian.
And I highly, highly doubt you rehauled your entire sexual identity for the five minutes you kissed another woman and had your “lesbian experience.”
I also hate this phrase when applied to young, college women who want to date another woman, basically for the experience, before going on to a more “traditional” heterosexual relationship.
That is not a lesbian experience. That is a same-sex experience. I mean, I’m not going to begrudge you figuring out what you like, or even just want to have an experience as long as everyone involved knows it’s just that - temporary - and are consenting to being your “experience.”
But this phrase is insulting to the women who are actually lesbians. Who have to deal with being fetishized, not having equal rights, getting harassed on the streets, having to deal with being unsure if they are going to be able to visit their significant other in the hospital, afraid their benefits from work won’t apply to them… And you are taking that entire life and all the good and bad in it and singling it down to one make-out session with another woman. You are belittling people who do identify as lesbian.
I find it insulting as a bisexual woman because other women using this “lesbian” experience phrase make it so society and other people don’t have to take my experiences with the same sex as valid. They can say things like, “oh, that’s just a phase,” or, “you just want attention.”
I’m experiencing attraction to multiple genders.
I do not have a “lesbian experience.” A simply kiss/date another woman I am attracted to.
I do not have “heterosexual experiences.” (Someone once said this to me after I kissed a guy!).
No. No I just kissed a guy. No need to freak out.
So, stop using this phrase.
A sexuality is not an experience - it is an identity and you are insulting people with that identity every time you minimize their lives to one “experience” you had.